Chemo today

     M is going with me this morning for what I hope will be an efficient infusion. My faith in this drug continues to wane because I am not feeling better, I'm feeling worse. Pain is more of a constant than an incidental, and eating reliably causes increasing discomfort. I'm getting to the point where I just don't feel like doing much of anything; going to campus is a major deal even though it's only ten blocks away. Just getting myself into the shower and walking a block to Starbuck's is now something I negotiate with myself every morning. Unless my feet are out in front of me, I'm uncomfortable, so staying in bed seems reasonable. That's not good.

     Next Thursday we meet with Dr. J to see where we are and make adjustments. A year ago when we saw him on Nov. 13, he made the glorious suggestion that we stop the cisplatin, as it seemed to have done its thing. Much celebrating. Next week, I'm afraid he's going to come at me with Fentanyl patches and the news that we've exhausted our chemo options. 

     I'm nowhere near ready to hear that.