Adoption, children, and Cindy McCain

     I was going to step back. Focus on writing fiction. But I am compelled to write the truth here.

     Cindy McCain, in introducing her husband tonight in the final night of the RNC, said the adoption of the McCains' daughter from Bangladesh was a mercy mission.

     I cannot think of a worse reason to adopt a child (other than a determination to abuse the child). 

     M and I adopted our fabulous daughter for the same reason that we would have given birth; for the same reason other parents choose to become parents -- because we wanted a family. We wanted a baby. We wanted to be parents. 

     NOT because we were "saving" a child.

     It's the most important distinction. 

     Can you imagine growing up in a household that presented itself as your savior? Poor little child, you would have perished had it not been for us, our generosity, our sympathy. We didn't want a family, we wanted a cause. Congratulations, you're it! 

     I can't think of anything more demeaning than growing up thinking you owe not only your existence but your survival, your food, your clothes, your fortune (literally, in the case of the McCains) to two mortals who plucked you from the brink of desperation.

     Children deserve to feel unconditional love; they thrive on it. They need to feel that the reason they are in this world, in this home, in this family, is because they -- they -- are wanted for who they are. 

     Imagine anyone congratulating Cindy's humanitarianism for getting pregnant. "Oh, you've done such a generous thing." What?

     As a grownup with occasional outward signs of illness, I cannot abide pity or condescension. I appreciate when people make allowances for my infrequent limitations, but I would not hesitate to deck someone who kept company with me because it made him feel superior.

     Cindy McCain's attitude toward her beautiful daughter is shameful, elitist, and damaging. She would have done better to stroke a big fat check to Mother Teresa's orphanage and make way for people who want children because they actually want children. 

     John McCain is lauding her right now for "her concern for people less fortunate than we are," and intimated their daughter is among them. I count their daughter among those people, too. Poor, poor precious little girl.