So far for me, the direct effects of Topo Gigio are minor compared to, say, Gemzar or Carboplatin. I had the crazies, as I reported earlier, and have been sleepy all weekend, but the most curious consequence is hunger. I'm ravenous, mostly for comfort food like M's homemade bread and split pea soup. As with other drugs, certain foods are so unappetizing I can't mention them, but bland things like crackers with butter, potatoes, rice... make way. I've been remarkably clear-headed since the mini-breakdown Friday night, which is unusual and, of course, welcome. Yes, I sleep a lot, but in between, at least I'm not fuzzy or dotty. That I know of.
All that to say: of the three of us, I'm probably feeling perkiest. A is overcoming like children do, but still not her usual self, and M is stoic and miserable.
And so the ill effects of my illness spiral outward, knocking down the people closest to me. For me, this domino effect causes the most distress: the most worry, the most fear, the most sadness. Goddamn it all.
Posts
3 comments:
Hang in there darling E, they'll be on the mend soon enough. But it is interesting, the way illness radiates through a house -- chicken soup time for all. I wish I lived closer; I'd bring you some. So, for now, it's virtual soup. xoxoxo, L
You've explained in a short space a phenomenon that I've been thinking about a long time.
Many families (most? are there statistics?) crack under this kind of pressure. Yours - God bless them - seems to have this cold/flu symptom spigot, a way to feel bad (sympathy?) but also turn attention away from you, which is probably helpful to all.
The fact that they've been through it before makes it very 21st century. They *know* you'll be alright.
Also, there is something ritualistic in this-- perhaps because of the viciousness of the side-effects.
May we one day - soon - have effective drugs with minimal side-effects - and then people will look back on your writings like hieroglyphs from a war or inquistion of antiquity..
BL, I know you'd bring me soup. Thank you for that. I can feel it.
Anon, that is an excellent, positive way to view the phenomenon of the whole family falling the fuck apart: a spigot, a valve releasing the pressure. I don't know how twenty-first century I feel with all the eighteenth century medical measures -- kind of surprised no one's suggested leeches -- but your view is forward-looking and I'll take it. Thanks.
xo
E.
Post a Comment