Someone else is having a rougher day than I am.

     Just took a deep breath and called Joanne in Dr. J's office to ask her advice: do I need to come in for another talk, or a checkup, or can we all just agree that it's time to start chemo and go ahead and schedule it?

     After telling me that what I was saying was reasonable (God bless her), she said, "Well, you know, it's Wednesday, so he's in surgery right now." (Yes, I know that Wednesdays are surgery days; he's generally not in the office.) "I'll talk with him when he comes out and call you back, and we'll go from there." Great! 

     I hung up, and it hit me: that woman he's doing surgery on today is more scared, more uncomfortable, more freaked out, and possibly in deeper shit than I am. 

     Whatever strength I manage to gather for myself today, I will share with her.